Friend, wash thy hands (unhygienic bakers)

Recently an acquaintance hosted a mini office party at his desk. He served cake and spittle.

As he cut his “famous tea cake”, he blathered over it, only pausing in his discourse to lick his fingers. He then used the same soppy fingers to steady the sides of the cake. But this wasn’t the worst of it. During the exercise, the knife he was using fell to his feet. He picked it up, and hurriedly passed a suspicious napkin over it before resuming.

I glanced at all the hungry, expectant faces.  Surely , I wasn’t the only one who had noticed? ??

In fact, others began to eat as if nothing happened. I turned to go but before I could escape, he shoved a generous slice towards me, imploring me to try it and give him feedback.

I didn’t eat it.

I waited for my colleagues to settle back at their desks. When I was certain that no one was watching, I wrapped my slice in a paper towel and discreetly dropped it into my purse.

Suddenly, I had to go for a break  for ‘tea’ because everyone knows that cake and tea go well together.  

My slice of tea cake met its end in a black trash can a few steps away from my office.  Relieved, I purchased peppermint tea and returned to my desk smiling. 

I premeditated what I would say when he inquired about my experience.  I didn’t want to lie but I needed something. I heard myself saying :“ I never quite perfected the ideal consistency of tea cake, I’m so envious.” (BTW This wasn’t a lie. Its true, I have yet to perfect the consistency of tea cake.)

In my experience, it seems that unhygienic bakers are the people most eager for you to try their wares.  Although kind, they are messy and inconsiderate due to their lack of simple hygiene.   Some serve cookies with an adornment of their dog’s fur. Others parade around with dirty containers and utensils. The worst offenders touch numerous soiled surfaces and take up the goods with sullied hands. This is just not nice . This is heartbreaking.

My ultimate dream is that bakers everywhere will wash their hands (and utensils) so that I can never be disqualified from eating their probably delicious cookies and cakes.

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