Accepting cookies from an ex?’

Romance is an absolutely delightful phenomenon, until it’s not.  Many who whispered casual sweet-nothings, and melted in the seductive gazes of their lover, never imagined that it would all end.  But life happens fast, and those parties discovered that that they are not the next Romeo and Juliet. Some couples are able to set aside malice, and part amicably so they can remain ‘friends’.  Parting amicably is better for mental health, but it can also be sticky. That fragile “friend zone” can be confusing to navigate, especially if the relationship was serious.

Recently this question came up: What do you do if your ex continues to bake for you like they did during the relationship? Perhaps you’ve already moved on and have started seeing someone else. In this case, it can no longer be ‘business as usual’ and you know it. In this article, I become a ‘guru’ to answer this very important question.

So your ex bought you cookies, what do you do? 

Relax yourself: Accept the gift graciously but don’t be over the top giddy, like come on. Being overly grateful and animated can give the wrong impression. I understand that free cookies are exciting, but keep those emotions in check. If you used to hug after every cookie gift, forget the past, and try a handshake instead.

If you are nervous, take it in halves:  Open the cookie package and offer half of the cookies back to your ex. Insist that they share it with you and don’t accept no for an answer. (Watch their reaction very carefully). In addition, if you want to eat one, break a cookie in two, and offer half to your ex.  Make sure they chew it before your eyes. If they refuse, I would be very careful eating any of those cookies going forward. (#trust no one)

Turn it down sometimes:  Nothing wrong with accepting cookies from an ex but you may want to rethink accepting them all the time.  It may have been a normal “occurrence” during the relationship, but things have now changed. Don’t allow these cookie gifts to become a habit. Remember that no matter how fervently your ex declares their baking to be ‘ just for fun’, it’s better to keep clear boundaries!

Avoid getting nostalgic : Try not to reminisce of the ‘good o’l times’. There is something enchanting about eating delicious cookies and mooning over the past with a former lover. Suddenly, fairies will appear to sprinkle pixie dust, the lights will dim, and before you know it, you will be doing much more than remembering.

Make it clear the type of ‘cookies’ you will accept:  Don’t be naïve, sometimes people bake in order to extract”favors”. Always be careful assuming motivations, but make it clear that you are not available to accept other types of “cookies” (which are also known as favors).

Don’t fall for thirst traps: In the Old Testament of the bible, Potipher’s lascivious wife set a thirst trap for the young, handsome Joseph. After she schemed to get him alone, she ravenously grabbed the garment covering his nether regions.  Joseph didn’t waste a moment. He left his garment in her hands, and escaped for his life. Get the picture? Here is another example:  A beautiful lady asked her ex-boyfriend to come pick up double chocolate pecan cookies (his favorite). He rang the doorbell. She opened the door wrapped in a towel, and casually invited him inside to pick up a decorated gift bag on the sofa.  Gentlemen, if your ex opens the door wearing a ‘peculiarly loose towel’, leave those double chocolate pecan cookies behind and RUN.

Give them away:  The truth is you don’t have to eat the cookies, and you don’t have to feel guilty about it. Inform your ex that you will be sharing the delicious cookies with co-workers because you think others should experience how good they are.  This pretty speech should put a smile on your ex’s face.

Do you have more cookie- related relationship questions? never fear, Dr. Rhoda, cookie queen and addict is here to answer ALL your questions.

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